A possible dark side but not evil. Just morbid.?

I am 26 years odl and never been laid. I can't seem to get girls to like me and it seems that they hate me on spot. Thats the way its been my whole life actually. LOL. Well theres this scene in the Original Hills have eyes part 2 where the character Ruby gets knocked over and hits her head on a rock and moans softly as she goes unconcious. There is a slight stream of blood comming out of her head. Well, it may seem for me that whenever I masturbate, I'm kinda visiting my darkside. I'm not evil. I'm just looking into my dark ual desires. I look at pics of Elisha Cuthert today and she has some really y shots. I play that scene in my mind and put her there instead of Ruby. Now why do I do this? Well for me it's y to have a y woman there all defenseless and I can possilble have my way with them. I would never really do this. Thats called . is evil. I just want to know from smart people as to why when I masturbate, It's always dark.