Please read this sample of my writing and give truthful feedback?

The language you use sounds stilted and old fashioned like maybe English is not your first language. "It was early morn when I had awoken" is a horrible sentence in many ways. The grammar is awful, the word awoken is not a word used by many people anymore. The sentence should say "It was early in the morning when I woke up" and ther is too much description about uninteresting subjects. The creaking, crackling floors...who cares? The hollowness of solitude is a nice phrase, but does not belong in this story. And" causing quite the bit of trouble" is a strange way of saying something.I do not like stories with too much description about everything. I would rather get on with the story and so far all we know is this boy/girl gets up, goes downstairs and eats an apple. Too slow.